Clever Observations from an Otherwise Useless Preseason Game

[Setting: MP at his desk, dutifully typing away as the sounds of the postgame report play in the background.]

1. Jay Cutler can, if the situation calls for it, be brilliant for one series in a non-competitive game.
2. So can Alex Smith.
3. Patrick Ramsey, however, wasn't looking all that sharp.
4. And he's the veteran insurance policy....makes you nervous doesn't it?
5. Aside from Javon Walker, the Broncos have about zip when it comes to receivers, which disturbs me about 46% at this point in the preseason.
6. That Mike Nolan is quite dashing and will probably look good in suit.
7. Unless of course it's made by Reebok. (You'd think someone in the otherwise savvy NFL front-office could have figured out a way to bring Armani in on this one.)
8. Gerard Warren's services apparently aren't all that valuable after all.
9. This after several years of culling the absolute best of the best from Cleveland's defensive line.
10. The Broncos starting defense, plus the reserves, look vulnerable against the run.
11. What else is new?
12. Something to ponder: Why throw at Champ Bailey or Dre' Bly when you can run up the middle for 4-8 yards every time...?
13. ...with your third-string rookie nonetheless.
14. Quincy Morgan and Todd Sauerbrun may single-handedly (or double-handedly on account of there's two of them) reverse the nightmare that is the special teams unit.
15. Ditto for Travis Henry and the running game.
16. Mike Shanahan doesn't seem to have the usual reddish-orange sheen so typical of his face this time of year.
17. What with global warming and all, I was expecting Mike's visage to be predominantly orange well into February.
18. Perhaps he's discovered banana boat.
19. Mike Nolan declared that he now has all the pieces for success (this according to the horrific announcing team of Doesn't Know Shit, Is Completely Boring, and Really Hustling To Parley An Average Career Into An Announcing Gig With A Phony Sounding Nickname Like "King Of Tape Breakdown").
20. You know who it would be nice to hear the all-the-pieces refrain from? A Broncos defensive coordinator.
21. Chances of that happening this year: 1 in about 25,000,000...which is what we'd have to pay to field a competitive defense this season.
22. Unless, of course, there's a 25 year old clone of Dick Butkus running around secretly in Dove Valley.

[Cut to MP waking up at his computer, realizing it's just the first preseason game, and giving a big sigh of relief.]