The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly

The Broncos were all three yesterday. Good, because they managed to get a win despite overwhelming odds, most of them statistical. Bad, because they played to lose, deserved to lose, and would have lost any other week in the NFL. And ugly, because other than the three beautiful plays on which they scored, there was not one redeeming feature about the offense, the defense, or the weather. (Todd Saeurbrun’s punts probably saved the game, but unless you’re an Australian you can’t call a punt a beautiful thing now can you?) But it’s like Plummer said after the game – at the end of the year all you remember is the W.

It was a bizarre victory yesterday for Denver, which fit perfectly with bizarre games across the league. The theme: geriatric quarterbacks turning back time to do the unthinkable. Example #1 - Vinny Testaverde came out of retirement, anointed his 41-year-old body with Icy-Hot, and led the hapless Jets to a victory over the supposedly indomitable Tampa Bay Bucs. Example #2 – Drew Bledsoe, who couldn’t find his way out of the pocket if you spotted him a compass, a map, and a team of sherpas, played like Joe Montana, Dan Marino, and Warren Moon all rolled into one. He flipped the moribund ball-control offense of the Cowboys on its head and turned the formerly steadfast Eagles team into jelly. Example #3 – Brett Favre and the Packers scored 52 unanswered points, completely baffling the New Orleans Saints, most of the football-watching world, and probably even themselves. Half of the Packers were injured before the game, and the other half dropped like flies as the team piled on the points. Green Bay might not win another game this season, they might have to start recruiting players from local high schools, but this game was one for the ages.

But back to the Broncos. Tatum Bell ushered in the latest running back controversy by going crazy and rushing for about a million yards, scoring about a thousand touchdowns, all the while kissing babies and performing miraculous healings. Mike Anderson who? At the rate his career is progressing, Anderson just might be rested up enough to play into his early 60’s. There’s no way to tell which RB is going to get yards. If Barbara Bush could sneak into the backfield and break a 20+ yard run, I suspect that Mike Shanahan would give her the ball 20 more times just to ride the hot streak. On a day when the Clinton Portis/Champ Bailey trade was in full relief, the Broncos showed why they were able to get rid of someone as potentially great as Portis. Virtually any back with even marginal talent can thrive in the Denver running game (except Maurice Clarett who is probably hiding out right now in Saddam Hussein’s old bunker). I just don’t get it. The Broncos offensive line are a bunch of over-aged, under-sized, soft-spoken fellows who work miracles week after week, season after season. Alex Gibbs is no longer with the team, and the Broncos are still one of the best running teams in the league. How can this be? What crazy government-testing is going on the Broncos locker room? It’s better not to ask too many questions. It’s better just to let it be.

I for one am worried about the defense. After three weeks of destroying opponents, they nearly turned Mark Brunell into aged-quarterback-works-wonders-Example #4. Portis had over 100 yards, Brunell more than tripled Plummer’s passing numbers, and the defense looked soft during Washington’s last drive. The Broncos stole one they should have lost, and there is absolutely no way they can play the same way and win against New England next week. The Patriots are too good. They are too smart. And they don’t lose when other teams play lousy. If the Broncos suck it up next week, the Patriots will send them to the locker room drenched in vomit, with battered bodies and shattered egos. I never think the Broncos are going to lose, but after yesterday’s debacle it’s not looking too good right now.

But like any good Broncos optimist, I’ll take the Donkeys over the Pats 34-27.